I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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