My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
