My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize