Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
