you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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