I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
