If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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