I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
