What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
