I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
