it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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