Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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