I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
