I am puke
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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