She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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