Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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