just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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