am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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