i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
