just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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