What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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