This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
