Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
