well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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