it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
