Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
