I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
