I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
