here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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