My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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