Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
