Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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