I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
