The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
