btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
