Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
