I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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