so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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