New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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