you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize