how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
