I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
