Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize