I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
