my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
