i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
