11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
