They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
