I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
