she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
