i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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