You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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