im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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