The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
