Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Two words: nipple clamps
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