I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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