Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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