Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
