call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
