so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
