dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize