so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
