how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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