Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
