im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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