If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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