Define "chronic" masturbator.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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