OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
