i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
