Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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