I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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