my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you didnt know i had herpes?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
