so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
