Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
