I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
