i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Randomize
