I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
