My liver just broke up with me...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
