Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
