he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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