They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
