.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
