were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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