meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I am morally bankrupt
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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