After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize