Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
