Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
