Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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