there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
