saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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