I cannot find my penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize