Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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