from now on my penis is your penis
Is it because I queefed?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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