it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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