My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
