Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
