Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
