Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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