soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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