And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
