Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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