It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's always time for handjobs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
