sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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