i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
