wrigley field is MILF paradise
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
