so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
