mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
