Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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