look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
