I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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