I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
